The Right Now
by Keeta4ever
Summary: Alaska's (SPOILER) death from her point of view. She later meets (TFIOS SPOILER) Augustus Waters in the afterlife. My Language Arts project... so you know why not post it!


**the right now**

I turn around as I pull out of the school parking lot, on my way to Jake's. That's when I see them. The white tulips that Jake gave me, laying down against the seat of my car. Memories flood back to me. My mother collapsing and jerking around, my sobbing echoing throughout the house. I never called 911. It's my fault she's dead. I just sat there crying, and covering my eyes, waiting for her to stop moving. I could have done something. I could have helped her, but I didn't. I cried while she died. And I forgot. How could I forget? I forgot my own mother's death anniversary. How could I do that? Am I that much of a screw up that I can't give my mother flowers on her death anniversary?

I can't go to Jake's now. I need to give her flowers. The flowers need to be on her grave. I have to do that for her. I turn my car around, making an illegal U-turn. The cemetery is twenty miles from here. I speed up; I need to get there.

There's no stopping now. I'm drunk, annoyed and buried under 6 feet of self-hatred. I clutch the steering wheel harder and increase the speed of my SUV.

I said 'To be continued' I realize. Why would I say that? I know he cares. He cares so much. How could I do this to him? Why am I hurting Pudge like this? He doesn't deserve this. He deserves so much better than me. I screw up too much for him to care about me.

Tears sit at the rim of my eyes, waiting to poor out, and make everything a water-filled mess. The radio isn't helping at all so I hit it with all the pain I had building up. I hear a snap and it turns off. My hands shake furiously and I glance at the backseat – the tulips. The white tulips that are sitting innocently back there taunting me about my mistakes.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for forgetting. Forgive me. Please forgive me." I sob as I look in front of me at the blurry, watery mess of my vision. I can't believe I could be so stupid! How could I miss it? My own mother's death anniversary! How many more times can I mess up?

"The pain – make it stop. Please make it stop. I can't-! Make it go away! I can't deal with it anymore!" The pain beat ruthlessly on me like a drum. I can't stand this anymore. I am done.

A loud sob escapes my heavily intoxicated body. My body shakes, and I slam my arm into the window. My head feels like a million hammers are pounding against it. My mom, Pudge, the Colonel, Takumi, Lara, and Jake fly through my mind. I hit the wheel in frustration. I see my hand slowly growing red. I don't care anymore.

I turn a corner and see it. The way of out this labyrinth of suffering. A one way ticket to my mom. My one and only chance was in front of me.

"Straight and fast. Straight and fast." I begin to whisper aloud, my voice steadily growing louder. "STRAIGHT AND FAST! STRAIGHT ANF FAST!"

I roar down the road, clearly not thinking straight, straight and fast. The headlights in front of me blind my awful eyesight.

Straight and fast. Straight and fast. Straight and fast. Just like I wrote down. I wrote it down so many times.

And I did it. Adrenaline rushes through my veins as I slam my foot on the gas pedal. I collide with the unsuspecting cop car and I feel it: the wheel crushing my chest, slowly suffocating me. Pain never felt so good.

I smile and begin to count.

10… I am Alaska Young.

9… My mom is dead.

8… I'm going to see her.

7… My best friends are The Colonel, Lara, Takumi, and Pudge.

6… My boyfriend is Jake.

5… I'm about to hurt all of them.

4… I'm going to die soon.

3… I'm a screw up.

2… I am dying.

1… I escape the labyrinth.

**twenty-nine days after**

I stare at the world below me. The world that keeps moving on without me. I smile. The world is moving on without Alaska Young. I feel the shadow of a person move next to me.

"Hi. I'm Augustus Waters." He smiles at me, one of those big goofy smiles that can make all of your troubles seem to disappear. I can't help but smile back.

"Alaska Young." I go back to looking down at the world. I see Pudge and The Colonel talking. I'm happy to see that they are beginning to move on. There's no more crying or staying in bed or cutting classes. Things are going back to normal.

"See that girl over there?" My attention turns back to Augustus as the scene in front of me changes. "The girl laying in the hospital bed? That's Hazel Grace. I fell in love with her the way she falls asleep; slowly at first, then all at once." He smiles again, and I can tell that he definitely did.

"Do you see that boy with the light brown hair? That's Miles or Pudge. He loves me, present tense. He knows so many last words, yet he'll never know mine." A silent tear slips out of my eye. I brush it away as if it had never been there.

"Here you want this?" Augustus hands me a box of cigarettes. But not before taking one out and placing it between his lips.

"You want me to light that?" I ask, confused.

He shakes his head, smirking at me. "It's a metaphor,"

I light my cigarette, but before inhaling I think aloud. "I guess I can smoke for fun now. I'm already dead,"

Augustus smiles at me, and we continue to watch the world move on below us.


End file.
